How Self-Compassion can help Body Image
When the idea of body image work feels too overwhelming, start with self-compassion towards oneself around the suffering of body image distress.
Kristin Neff, a self-compassion researcher, author, and Associate Professor, describes self-compassion as having three different components.
self kindness vs self judgement
common humanity versus isolation
mindfulness vs. over-identification
Self- Kindness is a very active stance and practice of soothing and taking care of one's suffering while self-judgment may look like judging and criticizing the suffering.
Common humanity is framing one’s experience as part of a larger human experience while isolation is isolating oneself and the experience.
Mindfulness allows us to notice our suffering and to be with the suffering as it is and be with it to then be able to give ourselves the caring and compassion we need.
Common confusions about what is means to be self-compassionate
Many people have a misunderstanding of what it means to be self-compassionate. These confusions can lead people to be weary of trying self-compassion and to have a mental block or aversion to understanding how they can use it effectively and apply it to their own lives. I hear these following confusions so often from my clients and have experienced them myself as well.
Confusion #1: Self-compassion is associated with self-pity.
So many times people associate having self-compassion with self-pity, but self-compassion is not
“ poor me,” but rather recognizing the common humanity of The Human Experience. Rather than “poor me,” it is “this is hard for all of us,” which helps us to have a more connected way of relating to ourselves and our suffering.
Confusion #2: Self-compassion doesn't leave room for healthy constructive self-criticism.
There is absolutely room for self-criticism practice of self-compassion. The practice of self-compassion incorporates mindful, kind criticism of oneself. This is vastly different from self-criticism that lacks self-compassion that is very often shaming and putting oneself down. If you were to right down the way you criticize yourself or criticize someone else like you criticize yourself, you would be able to see that it can be downright nasty self-talk.
Confusion #3: Self-compassion leads to self indulgence.
Practicing self-compassion doesn't mean you are going to do whatever you want. Let's think about this from a parenting or caregiver perspective. As a compassionate caregiver, we would not just let our children do whatever they want but still consider ourselves to be compassionate towards them. We don’t give them everything they want because we know that this is not compassionate. We know that letting them do whatever they want will lead them to suffering and does not consider their well-being.
Confusion #4: Self-compassion means “making excuses” for oneself.
Self-compassion allows us to see clearly- mindful observation without judgment. When you are able to see yourself clearly and understand the common humanity of our experience and that we are innately imperfect, it is a lot easier for us to take responsibility because we know it is okay if we make a mistake and mess up. The research shows that you're more likely to take responsibility for mistakes because psychologically, we don't damage our self in the process of shameful self-criticism talk and behaviors when we practice self-compassion.
Confusion #5: compassion is a good motivator.
A lot of people are afraid of self-compassion and one of the big reasons is that they believe their self-criticism motivates them. In turn, our culture supports this as well. We and our culture have the message that we need to crack the whip and be harsh with ourselves to motivate ourselves. But let me ask you a question, is that working for you? The research points to- it doesn't. At least, not effectively, sustainably, and in a way that feels good. It may be a temporary motivator, but not a good one. It is an fear-based, carrot-and-stick mentality.
How is self-compassion related to body image?
Self-compassion is a way of relating and taking care of ourselves, our community, and ours and others’ suffering.
Body dissatisfaction and negative body image is a major source of suffering.
When discussing the topic of self-compassion and body image, I will be using the research ( attached below) Self-Esteem and Body Image in females: The mediating role of self-compassion and appearance contingent self worth.
This study uses Kristin Neff and her construct of self-compassion which has been found to be associated with a positive conceptualization of body image and psychological well-being.
“First, to establish the degree to which self-compassion mediated the relationship between self-esteem and body image avoidance behaviors as a determinant of whether the construct may act as a protective factor against the serious cognitive, affective, and behavioral symptoms triggered by body dissatisfaction. To this end it was hypothesized self-compassion would mediate the relationship between self- esteem and body image avoidance behaviors. The second goal of the study sought to examine the degree to which ACSW mediated the link between self-esteem and body image avoidance behaviors to determine whether the construct may act as a risk factor to body image related concerns. It was proposed that ACSW would mediate the relationship between self-esteem and body image avoidance behaviors. Although men are vulnerable to body image related concerns, the focus of this study was limited to women because of the overwhelming evidence that women are socialized to base their self-worth on their appearance more than men are.”
Results of the study support previous literature that has found that self-compassion can explain the unique variance in body image related constructs and supports the understanding of the connection between self-esteem and body image. The hypotheses that women who engage in body image avoidance behaviors had lower levels of self-esteem. They also may be more likely to attempt to achieve unattainable standards of beauty which promote a preoccupation with their appearance and increased body shame.
One of the three components of self-compassion mean self kindness verses self judgement. The research shows that those who practice self-compassion are those who are more kind and accepting of their physical appearance.
According to the results of the study, “although additional evidence is needed to support the effectiveness of intervention programs, it seems likely that self-compassion can contribute to the prevention and treatment of body dissatisfaction, as well as modify self-worth investment to promote the development of positive body image in women.”
So how can we use self-compassion to improve body image if we lack self-compassion?
Self-compassion can be learned. It is not easy, but it is very possible. After a lifetime of self-judgment and shame, it takes time and intention work. It requires practice to carve out these new pathways of kindness toward ourselves. That means it takes active participation, not passive observation.
Try this!
Practice self kindness vs self judgement
Practice this- “The way I feel about my body is causing me to suffer. How can I sit with my suffering and take care of my suffering?”
Common humanity versus isolation
Try this- “We struggle with body dissatisfaction because of the messages we receive in the culture we live in. I am not alone in my struggle.”
Mindfulness vs. over-identification
Separate from the suffering of body image distress, rather than identifying with it so heavily. Raise awareness around these moments of suffering and respond with self-compassion.
Additional Resources
Read more on self-compassion the blog.