Stories of Eating Disorder Recovery: Mindset and Interests

Jessica

At the age of 17 years old, I was diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa, and I struggled with the disorder for many years. Today, here, writing this, I am 25 years old. I still struggle, but not even close to the way I used to. I would not consider myself to be 100% recovered, however, there are a few key things that have helped me get to the place I am today.  

The first, and most important, healing mechanism I would like to mention is: your mindset. When I was in the midst of my recovery, I was told a piece of advice that I still carry with me and spread to others to this day.

If you want to get better, YOU have to make the choice. YOU have to help yourself. YOU have to push yourself.

I know it scary, the scariest thing in the world, but it is worth it. I promise that when you push and fight and get back to a healthy perspective of yourself, you will thank yourself one-hundred times over. You need to be patient with yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Do not punish yourself if you make a mistake. Remind yourself that even the littlest bit of progress is truly remarkable. Being kind to myself, and slowly accepting my body for what it is, has taken me miles. And I can warn you now, it is not going to be easy. It is going to be one of the toughest things you have ever done, but in the end, it is going to save your life. Your precious, special, beautiful, vibrant life. 

Of course, this mindset comes with help and education. I highly recommend buying books to help yourself better understand what you’re going through, how you can fight it, and how you are not alone. When I was still very deep in my anorexia mindset, the book, “Life Without Ed,” by Jenni Schaefer helped me a ton. A lot of the thoughts that I was having were brought to life in this book, and it was nice to feel connected to another person again. Nonetheless, this author is a survivor of an eating disorder, so her language was in the past tense, which also provided me with hope, that someday I could reach a level of peace within myself. Once I was considered “recovered,” but ultimately still had a terrible relationship with food, I read the book, “Intuitive Eating” by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch. This book is my bible. It changed my life in the best way possible. It allowed me to view my relationship with myself and the food I was putting into my body in a whole new way; a way that has helped me become a more confident and happy individual. I have read it front to back at least 3 times, and each time I find myself learning new ideas and approaches to combat my negative food/body thoughts and actions. 

Whether you are new to recovery, or you have been in recovery for a long time, I highly recommend that you surround yourself with people, places, and activities that bring you joy. Try to place goals for yourself and achieve them at your own pace in regards to being social. I know that, sometimes, being around other humans is the LAST place you want to be. However, I can almost guarantee if you push yourself out of your comfort zone, you will feel better in the long run. And these social interactions do not have to be anything crazy. You can grab a friend and go for a walk, go to the movies, draw or paint, sing or dance; whatever you enjoy to do. If you do not know what you like to do….explore! The possibilities are endless, and there is no wrong option. Something that I have found immense joy in is music. After about 3 years in recovery, I was introduced by my best friend to EDM- electronic dance music. Over the years it has brought me more joy than I even knew existed. I now find comfort in going to concerts, and hanging out with people who share my love for this music. It is my own little escape from reality when I am feeling down, or having troubling thoughts. If I am having a bad day, I will throw in head phones, blast this music, and dance in my room…or go for a walk! Regardless of which happens, I feel better afterwards. 

This last piece I am going to touch on is not attainable for everyone, however, if you feel as though you can be responsible and provide a good life for another being, I suggest you very seriously look into getting a pet. About 8 years after my eating disorder I was blessed with the opportunity to own my very own dog, Merry. She is a little yellow lab and she provides me with a type of love that is so meaningful to be; it is hard to put into words. Everyone knows the saying, “A dog is a man’s best friend,” and I could not comprehend the meaning of that quote until I got a best friend of my own. Her unconditional love has helped me love myself, value myself, and take pride in the fact that I can take care of her. She makes me confident, and giddy, and silly, and helps me on my bad days. She gives me a reason to wake up in the morning and immediately put a smile on my face. If you are capable of getting a pet, please do. Please take advantage of these beautiful creatures and fully let them love you. 

If you are struggling, if you are reading this, I know you feel as though you are not worthy of love. You feel as though you don’t deserve to be happy, you are worthless, and you are broken. The list goes on and on. I was there. I was there for so many terrible, tearful, violent years. But you deserve all of the wonderful things in this world. And I know, right now, it is so hard to accept that, but I want you to try your very best to slowly learn to understand that you are human, and you are worthy.